So, I'm obviously terrible at keeping up with a Blog. But! BIG BUT- I am going to stay on top of it for at least the next 21 days... minus a few while we're in New York. We began a 21 day fast in our church to draw nearer to the Lord and for me, realize and be more aware of what the Holy Spirit is doing and working in me.
I have such a hard time praying and then listening. I'm not bragging, but I don't tend to view myself as one who asks a lot, but my prayers are more about thanks. I guess I'm just not to a point in my relationship with God where I feel like I can just "declare" things and rebuke things and question what He is doing. I feel weird when I ask God to do things- I mean, He's God, if He wants to do it- He will. right? No. He loves hearing my voice and asking things of Him! I just haven't got to the point of comfort with it yet... Another thing that I struggle with is that I've been told by others in our lifegroup that I don't realize the authority that I have in being His child. What authority? Do I want authority? Does that make me sound snooty to ask to realize my "authority"? Man, that's a big thing! But, He gives us that, I need to grow in Him and realize it and grab hold of the gift! And a big one for me is the problem with listening- I haven't sat down and expected an immediate response from God- EVER.
I think I just assume- Oh hey God, it's little ol' me, Britain. Um, Just wondering if you were thinking that this was the right timing or if this is the path I should take. Take your time getting back to me- it's just me- little ol' Britain.
And then I just kind of go about my day. I never wait. I'm not patient with Him. I don't sit and quietly wait for a response. God responds!!! He loves hearing me and He knows I'd love to hear Him- it is a desire of my heart to hear Him! But, I never give him the chance to speak...
Also during this period of fasting I want to become more aware of the spiritual warfare going on around me all the time. I want to feel God's presence and power and be secure in times of fear or in times where what's going on isn't "right". When I know Satan and his demons are battling against me so hard and trying to steal my life away... trying to kill me! I want to be aware of the fact that the war was already won, but there are still battles and God and the angels are fighting so hard against the enemy for me! For Britain Paulk in Abilene, Texas. For me- the insignificant speck in the universe! Isn't that bizarre to think about? I want to realize His goodness and the Victory all the time! I want to be so near to Him that it's radiating through me and I can just feel His presence and the feeling be so real that it's overwhelming. I want to be an obedient child of God and I want to be reminded of where He brought me from. I want to realize the great rescue and for Him to know that I haven't forgotten... And this is a small way of me showing Him that.
That is what this fast means to me. This means getting to know my God, my Father, my Redeemer, my Savior- my ALL, on a deeper more passionate level. It means telling and showing Him- you are worth more to me than anything in the world. I will give up a blessing, a luxury, that consumes so much of me so that I can be nearer to you! I will fill my time with your Word and with prayer. I will talk to you and I will listen! I will enjoy the beauty of the day with the time that I spent wasting before. I will spend precious time with my husband that you have so graciously blessed me with. I will take notice of the things that I was blind from before. I will fill my hours with goodness and not the poison of the world that are all over the television. I will worship you more fully in all of these things and more. I want to know you God. And I'd like to introduce myself to you in a new way. I know you know me better than I know myself, but this is how I suppose we start our new relationship. :)
Television may be a small step, but it's where I begin.
So- day 1. I shall write about you fully later...
I have such a hard time praying and then listening. I'm not bragging, but I don't tend to view myself as one who asks a lot, but my prayers are more about thanks. I guess I'm just not to a point in my relationship with God where I feel like I can just "declare" things and rebuke things and question what He is doing. I feel weird when I ask God to do things- I mean, He's God, if He wants to do it- He will. right? No. He loves hearing my voice and asking things of Him! I just haven't got to the point of comfort with it yet... Another thing that I struggle with is that I've been told by others in our lifegroup that I don't realize the authority that I have in being His child. What authority? Do I want authority? Does that make me sound snooty to ask to realize my "authority"? Man, that's a big thing! But, He gives us that, I need to grow in Him and realize it and grab hold of the gift! And a big one for me is the problem with listening- I haven't sat down and expected an immediate response from God- EVER.
I think I just assume- Oh hey God, it's little ol' me, Britain. Um, Just wondering if you were thinking that this was the right timing or if this is the path I should take. Take your time getting back to me- it's just me- little ol' Britain.
And then I just kind of go about my day. I never wait. I'm not patient with Him. I don't sit and quietly wait for a response. God responds!!! He loves hearing me and He knows I'd love to hear Him- it is a desire of my heart to hear Him! But, I never give him the chance to speak...
Also during this period of fasting I want to become more aware of the spiritual warfare going on around me all the time. I want to feel God's presence and power and be secure in times of fear or in times where what's going on isn't "right". When I know Satan and his demons are battling against me so hard and trying to steal my life away... trying to kill me! I want to be aware of the fact that the war was already won, but there are still battles and God and the angels are fighting so hard against the enemy for me! For Britain Paulk in Abilene, Texas. For me- the insignificant speck in the universe! Isn't that bizarre to think about? I want to realize His goodness and the Victory all the time! I want to be so near to Him that it's radiating through me and I can just feel His presence and the feeling be so real that it's overwhelming. I want to be an obedient child of God and I want to be reminded of where He brought me from. I want to realize the great rescue and for Him to know that I haven't forgotten... And this is a small way of me showing Him that.
That is what this fast means to me. This means getting to know my God, my Father, my Redeemer, my Savior- my ALL, on a deeper more passionate level. It means telling and showing Him- you are worth more to me than anything in the world. I will give up a blessing, a luxury, that consumes so much of me so that I can be nearer to you! I will fill my time with your Word and with prayer. I will talk to you and I will listen! I will enjoy the beauty of the day with the time that I spent wasting before. I will spend precious time with my husband that you have so graciously blessed me with. I will take notice of the things that I was blind from before. I will fill my hours with goodness and not the poison of the world that are all over the television. I will worship you more fully in all of these things and more. I want to know you God. And I'd like to introduce myself to you in a new way. I know you know me better than I know myself, but this is how I suppose we start our new relationship. :)
Television may be a small step, but it's where I begin.
So- day 1. I shall write about you fully later...
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